Every year Chris and I joke about what drama will occur when we go out to buy our Christmas tree. Will we have to go to more than one place? Will we stand in the cold holding up tree after tree to decide which has the perfect shape? Will we wait too long, and buy the tree after a snowstorm, so that when we bring it home covered in snow we have to let it thaw (and cause a flood) in our house? Will we get it home only to find that trunk doesn’t fit in our stand? Or will it be too tall? Too short? Too fat? Too skinny?

We seem to remember last year was the easiest year ever. We were so bold to consider chopping our own tree this year. However, despite a sunny, snow free day, we decided the frigid temperatures might lead to crabbiness at the tree farm. So, we went to our local Stein’s and chose a tree. It was only the 2^nd one we looked at and we decided it was perfect. There were no crowds, so the tree was actually in the car before I had finished paying for it.

We happily came home to place the tree in the tree stand, which had been lovingly cleaned out by Chris this morning.

Once in the house we discovered the first problem, the tree was about 2 inches too tall. But that was a simple fix with pruning shears. It seemed to fit nicely in the tree stand, and while Chris held it straight I adjusted the screws to tighten it.

Ta-da! Perhaps even easier than last year.

Unless, we had spoken too soon.

As Chris went out to clean the needles out of the car, and put the tree netting in the garbage, I set about to fill the stand with water for our thirsty tree. The girls, filled with excitement about the tree, were playing with the Nativity set pieces they love so much. I took our large pitcher of water and poured it into the stand. I knew from previous years that I’d need a second pitcher full. But after 2 pitchers I was a little surprised that the stand wasn’t full yet. I reasoned that due to the angle of the tree/stand I wasn’t able to empty my large pitcher each time, so I went back for a third refill. It was only as I started pouring the third that I realized we had a problem.

The tree stand was leaking. It was most definitely leaking.

“GO GET DADDY!” I yelled at Katherine, “Tell him to come FAST!”

“GO GET ME A TOWEL, “ I yelled at Maggie, “FAST!”

Chris came in a lifted the bottom of the stand before I could tell him not too – FLOOD! The base of the stand had been holding the water underneath it, on top of the large black garbage bag we had placed to prevent any water damage on the carpet.

“BEACH TOWELS!” “SHOP VAC!” Supplies were gathered with urgency. The tree was removed from the stand and put back on the front porch.

While I pressed towels around the leaking edges of the stand, Chris started sucking water with the shop vac. We lifted the edge of the stand to allow more water to be sucked out, but OOPS, the shop vac was full. He ran outside to dump it.

Back inside we started again, but almost immediately, the shop vac started spurting wet muddy mess out onto the carpet! Clearly this would not work.

We had to do the rest of cleanup with towels. Soaking up as much water as we could. The tree stand did, indeed, have a hole in the bottom. I might have sung a refrain of “There’s a hole in the stand, dear Chris, dear Chris” at this point.

Meanwhile, the girls were only concerned with Baby Jesus from the Nativity scene – where was he? Had someone thrown him into the tree? Was he in the tree stand? In the water? And could we put the lights on the tree yet? Why was the tree back outside?

I retrieved the carpet cleaner from the basement and got to work sucking water out of the carpet from the stand, and then steam cleaning the muddy shop vac mess out of the carpet. Chris cleaned the shop vac and went out to get a new tree stand. The girls were sent to the TV “Just pick one show from the list and DO NOT COME NEAR THIS ROOM”

I finished the carpet and was just cleaning the machine when I heard it.

“Did you pee?” “I wet” “ABBY PEED ONE THE COUCH!”

Somebody help me.

I took a deep breath, and sent Abby to stand in the bathroom. I removed the couch cushion and began cleaning it. The older girls started asking unnecessary questions and I sent them up to their room.

“But why? Are we in trouble?”

“No, you’re not in trouble at all, but I just can’t have you here right now. Please go upstairs and play quietly without making a mess, I’ll call you in a few minutes. Oh, and could you please throw down some clean clothes for Abby?”

I cleaned the Abby. I cleaned the couch. I started a load of laundry. I sent a text to Chris. I made lunch.

I called the girls back downstairs and they ate lunch while Chris and I put the screws into the new tree stand. And then we put the tree into the new tree stand. It’s across the room from where it needs to be, waiting for the carpet to dry. We’re hoping to get the lights on tonight, and the ornaments tomorrow.

But we don’t have a real plan for how we’re going to move the tree across the room. I guess that will be the next chapter in this year’s tree drama.

I think I’ll watch the after Christmas sales. I’m guessing artificial tree stands don’t leak!